My Daughter, No Doubt

The following conversation took place between yours truly and my 15-year-old daughter (DC) on the ride home from the local megaplex Friday evening; allow me to set the scene.  

I met her at the designated location and there was a friend with her (DCF) who needed a ride home.  Being a loving father and all around good guy I said we’d take her; I was delighted to find out she lived in our neighborhood, a rarity among my daughter’s friends.  DCF actually didn’t want to go home because of a fight with her mom earlier in the evening and asked if she could spend the night; I said ok, figuring it would be best if things cooled down at her house– been there, done that.  She called her mom to say she had a ride home and she’d be stopping long enough to get some clothes and that she’d be spending the night with us.   There was no discussion; just I’m spending the night.  Then the following dialogue occurred:

BrazenBilly: Gee, wonder what would happen if I tried that?  I could call home and tell mom that that I’m spending the night with a friend.

DC:  You couldn’t do that.
BB:  Why not?
DC:  You have a penis.
BB:  What?
DCF:  I can’t believe you said that.
DC:  I said you have a penis.
BB:  What does that have to do with anything?
DC:  Being a boy, it would be assumed that you would probably be spending the night with another woman.  My mother would never agree to that and probably wouldn’t let you back in the house if you did.
BB:  Why would that be automatically assumed because I have a penis?
DC:  That’s just the way it is.  Boys are known to use the wrong head.
DCF:  I cannot believe I am listening to this conversation.
BB:  So all boys are sluts?
DC:  Yep.
BB:  That’s not fair.
DC:  Don’t you tell me “life isn’t fair”?
BB:  Yeah, but that’s just not right.
DC: Brown is the new pink and boys are the new sluts.
BB:  That’s a strange way to think.
DCF:  DC, I don’t believe you said that to your dad.
DC:  It’s OK.
BB:  Yeah I can’t believe you said that to your father.
DC:  He asked a question, I gave him an answer.
DCF:  yeah, but.
BB:  She’s right you know, you can’t say that to me.
DC:  What you’re a slut?
BB:  Yeah.
DC:  Well?
BB:  Well, my ass.  I’m no slut.  I may have a penis but I’m no slut.
DC:  You’re a flirt.
BB:  True, but I’m allowed to flirt.  
DC:  Yeah, right.
DC:  Don’t you warn me about boys all the time???
BB:  Yeah, other boys, not me.
DC:  Why do you warn me about boys and give me a hard time about them.
BB:  Cause they’re dangerous.
DC:  And they’re dangerous why?
BB:  Because they’re boys and you’re a girl.
DC:  Cause they have a penis.
BB:  Yeah, but that’s not me.
DC:  A boy is a boy is a boy.
DCF:  I still do not believe my ears.
DC:  Yeah, me either, he thinks he’s different.

It continued for a while longer but there was no budging her opinion.  On one had I am flattered that my “boys are trouble” speeches have taken such firm root, on the other; I can’t believe that she included me, her father, in the grouping.  I immediately recounted this conversation with the wife upon our arrival home; she was amused.  I had to ask….

Can I spend the night at a friend’s house?
No
Why not?
You have a penis and you know how to use it, that’s why.  

And so goes another Friday night in Billy’s world.