Friday, January 13, 2006

Of wives and daughters

This pirates home is located on the small island of Testoserone somewhere in the middle of the vast Estrogen Ocean; that's where you live when you have a house full of womens. My wife and two daughters rule the house with their feminine ways and poor Billy is left to his garage to hang with the power tools. 2,200 square feet under air and I live in the fucking garage...

Every now and again I venture indoors to see how things are going, well that and to cook dinner. Last night I had the priveledge (?) of being invited shopping with the girls; the young ones had Target gift cards from Christmas burning holes in their pockets and it was time to set them free.

I wandered the aisles looking at t-shirts, TVs and CDs whilst they pondered jeans, undies and accessories. We met up at the checkout, made our purchases and headed home with goodies in tow. For the record I got 2 cool beach/fishing t-shirts and a CD. The girls on the other hand got undies and accessories, life is not complete til your holding your kids underwear at the checkout which leads to questions, lots of questions. (other than the obvious, why do my children wear a larger bra size than their mother?)

Why, someone please tell me why, my daughters wear thongs and my wife doesn't? There is something inherently wrong with this picture in my mind. I find it troubling that when I stumble through the laundry room that there can be 12 or 15 thongs on the floor and not one belongs to the Mrs. She does own one or two, only because they came as a set in a gift from Victoria's Secret purchased by yours truly and are worn solely on those special occasions when Billy's gonna get lucky.

Not only are they wearing thongs but the oldest, my alt rocker Sweetpea also has a collection of fishnets, which the Mrs. has none. It all hit home last night while sitting in the garage watching TV and she came out wondering which pair of fishnets looked best with the outfit she was wearing to school today. Now she's not going off looking like some ho-ish hoochie momma at all, she is into her rock and roll persona and that's how I view what she wears, a costume. It's not like she looks to be hanging on the street corner enhancing her allowance.

She came out with a standard pair, which she owned already and had us look at those, then she goes inside and comes back out with a pair of fancier ones with an intricate lacey pattern to them. The second pair made me think I needed glasses as the intricate pattern just looked blurred to me from across the room, so I voted for the first pair.

It was then that I slapped myself, not only is Sweetpea wearing the fishnets, I am fucking deciding which pair looked better with her outfit. Dad? WTF? Now I must say that she looked good, there was some kind of skirt thing, black, cute and a corset/bustier type top, black, and a really cool waist length, long sleeve jacket, black. She forgot to get safety pins when we were at the store so she was somewhat incomplete, not that I know what those were for anyway. She did look cute as hell and as soon as I have the opportunty to get a picture of this I will so I can share - she's a bit more than camera shy.

It all begs the original question, why? Why do my kids wear the stuff they do and not the wife? I cannot get her to dress sexy at all and it's not because she's unattractive either - for the record tall, slender, blonde and beautiful - just shy I suppose. Any hints, clues, tales or suggestions for the pirate that could help him get the Mrs. into something sexy other than behind closed doors?
Come on ladies help me out here....


Blogger Still Searching... said...

Hmmm, good question. I know myself, I go in for ALL that stuff. The fishnets, the fancy thongs, heels, short skirts etc etc etc. Now, the conclusion I came to was, I may as well enjoy it now while I can b/c there will come a time, well, that I will be older. *gasp* (Although I never was the "soccer mom" type. Always kind of marched to my own drummer.) Thing is though, pointing out that she's getting older and should wear these things now while she can, just maaay not work out in your best interest. Just sayin'.

10:56 AM  
Anonymous bellacara said...

does she have the body of a teenager?

that may have something to do with it! :-)

12:55 AM  
Blogger Belle said...

I have a problem with the young girls wearing thongs. My daughter will probably have to pay me massive amounts of money in order for me to give into that demand.

12:50 PM  
Blogger Billy said...

bc - no, she doesn't, but she doesn't have the body of a woman her age either...

tj - I had a problem with it myself but i was reminded that they are great kids, honor students and never in trouble. i was told to choose my battles carefully so I relented.

1:42 PM  
Blogger Desireous said...

It's hard to say really. I've always liked dressing sexy. But I'm a sex maniac so I do so with the intention of having sex or seducing. I enjoy seducing every man I meet even if I never touch him I still like to know I could. You know? Oh and I'm origianlly from Canada maybe that's it. LOL

Hmmm, maybe you should move to Canada!


1:18 PM  
Blogger KB said...

Well Billy. I know that no matter how thin, tall, beautiful some women are--they are not comfortable enough with themselves to show it off. On the other (sausage finger) hand--lard asses often times have no problem whatsoever showing their rolls and cellulite.

It's a strange & unfair world. Don't try figuring it out.

9:22 PM  
Blogger CP said...

Smart man, choosing those battles carefully. My husband freaks that my daughter wears thongs. (She's 18). He freaks MORE when he is folding the wash and realize that he can't tell my thongs and her thongs apart. Heh.

Throw out all the wifes underwear. Wipe out all the Hanes, Fruit of the Looms and any other granny panties she's got going in there and fill her drawers up (no pun intended) with lacy, pretty thingies.

One of two things will happen:

1) She will be delighted at the thoughtful surprise.

2) She will give all those things to your daughters...and you will be off to Kmart to buy her some new tent looking underwear.

I hope for option 1. I suspect, however, option 2 will prevail.


11:17 PM  
Blogger Billy said...

des - so what's up with the canadian chickies? I would move, it's just too damn cold for me up there.

kb - i did quit trying to figure out the whole woman thing years ago, some questions just beg asking...

cp - thankfully she doesn't own granny panties, all nice cotton prints - I just wanna see a thong once in a while that doesn't belong to my kids. I may try that though.

5:25 PM  

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