Friday, August 04, 2006

FuckYou! Friday

This week has gone by much too quickly. Friday already? Damn.

Softball Slut may have slept her way to an entry level job but if she doesn't show up for work today she'll find herself back sleeping her way back to the front of the unemployment line... C'mon girl, seriously, I got work that needs done. Then body shots.

Ah, FuckYou! Friday. So many people to tell off, so little time.

We'll keep it simple this week.

Yesterday I was up in Brooksville for a meeting, on the way back it was raining like hell. Pouring. Raining cats and dogs and lemurs for Ja's sake. This does not deter the Pirate, this ship sails through anything. 30 to 35, 000 miles a year I drive; through wind, sleet , snow or hail... well, not much snow. Rain doesn't deter me. Wipers on high, bronze lenses in the sunglasses, I can see. Kinda like Cole Trickle from Days of Thunder - just drive through it.

The FuckYou! today goes to the morons who turn on their hazard lights and continue to drive, 10, 15, 20 mph in the fast lane. WTF? Why? If you can't handle the rain, pull the fuck over. What's the point of the hazards? Oh, right... You're announcing yourself as a fucking hazard. If you can't see to drive, pull over dammit, the life you save may well be mine. You can still make your pretty lights flash all you want, just do it in the emergency lane at a full and complete stop.

Yeah, I know it's raining, I can see that. I can also drive in the shit. C'mon people this is Florida. Florida in the summertime, it's not a question of if it will rain, it's just a question of when it will rain. Typically about 4 pm, ususally you can set your watch by it. It rains 300 days a year here, get used to it or get off the fucking road. Don't drive 25 MPH in the fast lane of the highway with your flashers on. The blinking lights just give me a target. Get the hell out of the way, iffin you're skeered pull over and wait it out - it'll be done in 10 minutes. And I wont' have to rant about your stupid ass anymore. If it ever fucking snows here you can bet I'll be parking all my cars in the back yard, hate to imagine how these folks would drive then.

This has been a public service announcement from your friendly neighborhood Pirate.

Y'all have a great Friday. and stay the fuck out of my way. I'm getting cannons mounted on the truck.

********************************** EDIT **************************************

I am amending my FUCK YOU! to include the manufacturers of Pop Tarts. I just opened my new box of Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts and the damn things are smaller. By 3/4 of an inch or so. Now that may not seem so bad but I don't like it.

Wasn't that long ago they made them thinner. That pissed me off too. Now they're shorter.
This sucks. I got to find a new mid morning snack.


Blogger erika said...

Ohh ya know matter where I am at I seem to be a magnet for those drivers. And people wonder why I drink!

9:38 AM  
Blogger April said...

Let me out of the car, Cole; let me out of the car!!


My favorite line from Days of Thunder.

Happy Fuck You Friday to ya, Pirate.

9:40 AM  
Blogger MG said...

"You're announcing yourself as a fucking hazard."
I love that...

Excellent FUCK YOU.

and, I'll try to remember that next time I'm in your neighborhood

Have a FUCKING good day.

10:03 AM  
Blogger Bite Me said...

I'll drink to that!! Happy Fuck You Friday!!

10:46 AM  
Blogger Green Eyes said...

I'm feeling your pain, Pirate. Oh, I'm feeling it!

11:53 AM  
Blogger TequilaGirl said...

That's my favorite Pop Tart, So FUCK them for making them smaller! Dumb Pop Tart makers!

I just hate dumb drivers in general. Fuck them!!!!

Have a Fucking great weekend!

12:03 PM  
Blogger Ms. M said...

Fuck em all Pirate! Drivers, Pop Tart makers, the world...

Feeling your Fuck You! Friday pain my friend.


12:05 PM  
Blogger Softball Slut said...

Sorry Sir I am late. My mini skirt was missing. But I found it under my stillettos because I cant work without my high heels and low skirt.

Cant wait for Body Shots.

1:41 PM  
Blogger Oº°‘¨t®ãg‘°ºO said...

Oh fuck!!! You rock! Happy FU Friday!!!

3:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Fuck You Friday!

4:25 PM  
Blogger lecram sinun said...

All those are totally worthy especially the fucking rain(don't know how to)drive idiots! GOOD FUCK YOU FRIDAY!!!

5:16 PM  
Blogger Space Cadet said...

I hear that - fuck modern manufacturing cheapos. Have a fucking awesome weekend.

6:35 PM  
Blogger Alien said...

they are heading towards the size of a saltine cracker.
The Rain
The drivers
And Happy fuck you friday

6:38 PM  
Blogger CP said...

Have you done US 19 on a rainy day, Billy?

Ever drive alongside a 90 year old who suddenly decides to make a right hook into a Walmart parking lot...right in front of you?


Florida driving. 'Specially in the Bay area.



7:20 PM  
Blogger scarysquirrelman said...

wow. long list. Fuck You!

8:40 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

This post speaks to me for two reasons.

I DETEST those douchemonkeys with their hazard lights on.

And Pop Tarts are now one of the biggest farces around. Pretty much there will be no filling at all!

8:54 PM  

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