Thursday, August 10, 2006

HNT - A Picture of Fatherhood

Was gonna have a guest HNT today just cuz of several reasons. But now, after the events of this evening I'm gonna paint you a picture instead. Bear with me, there may be a point here somewhere.

Scene: The Pirate's Bedroom
Time: About 11: 20 pm

No, it's nothing like that... well almost.

The Pirate's lady is in the bathroom washing her face while your Captain is dozing in the bed trying to watch the end of The Daily show. Somewhere in the middle of her hygene session she notices a certain piece of her makeup ensemble is missing and heads off to the daughter's bathroom to retrieve it.

In seconds she is back. Get dressed she says. I mumble something to the effect of why and again I'm told, sternly, get dressed. She won't tell me why. I stumble out of the rack and drag on a pair of shorts and follow her to the other side of the house. When we reach the girls hallway she tells me "Rick" and Babygirl were in her room and they were both naked, she thought they were having sex. Apparently when she went to their bathroom she heard sounds and opened our 14 year olds door; that was what she saw.

The Mrs. knocked on the door and told her she had two minutes to unlock it. I added she actually had less time than that before I would open it. The door opened and Babygirl was standing there looking pained. I asked where "Rick" was, she slowly pointed to the window; her shade was blowing in the breeze. The little fuck bailed out the window.

I headed outside to see if I could find him but he had a pretty good headstart. When I got back to the house, the wife was dressed and had Babygirl in tow, she was going to lead us to "Rick's" house. "Rick", by the way, is 17. Leaving Babygirl in the car we proceeded to his door and rang the bell. And rang the bell again. Then knocked, loudly. Then rang the bell again. Rick lives with his Aunt and Uncle, it was the Aunt that opened the door. The Mrs. immediately appraised her of the situation and demanded that Rick be brought to the door. The Aunt, in disbelief, repeatedly apologized and then went back inside after the little asswipe.

When he came outside he was nonplussed. Had nothing to say but that was alright, the wife had plenty to say and proceeded to do so. After she had her say, I took my turn. Now Rick isn't your typical kid, he had been tossed from his home by his father for the way he dressed and wore his hair. Most of my kids friends are from the punk scene so this doesn't have much of an effect on us and we had welcomed this kid into our home many times. Matter of fact he sat across from me at the dinner table tonight.

I resisted the temptation, and boy was that tough, to pick this ass up by his throat and slam his head against the brick wall of the porch before I started talking. I stated my case, and made certain that there had been a condom in place before anything went on. Of that I was assured. I didn't go off on him too badly but I expressed my disappointment. That we had welcomed him into our home, we fed him, I even took him in once when there was a bit of trouble a few months back and this is the way things go down. Sneaking in through a window, on a school night to bang my 14 year old. I understand that it takes two to tango, and that Babygirl is implicit in all this too, but the sneaking into the house part showed no respect for people that had been nothing but kind to him. Especially, when few other people had been. The fact that he never once looked me in the eye the whole time didn't resonate well either.

The conversation was ended with me telling the little punk that he was no longer welcome in my home, near my home or near my daughter. I also told him he should probably find a new path to the park since he has to pass our house to get there. Would hate to see anything happen to him. Like my truck suddenly fly backwards out the driveway and run his scrawny little ass over.

On the trip home, I took time to speak to my baby. I told her that I'm not gonna go off on her. That I'm not gonna tell her that sex is dirty or nasty or negative because that's just not true. It can be a fantastic thing when it's between people that care care for each other. I told her I'm not gonna lecture her, but I want her to know one thing and I want her to remember it.

I told her that she is a special girl, not just cause she's mine, although that's a large part of it, and that her love and her body shouldn't be tossed around with people like Rick. She needs to be more selective when she decides to share the gfit that she has, that is her love and sexuality. I told her that there's one thing that she had to have noticed tonight. That's when things went south, when her mother came into her room and found them and backed out. The first thing this little douchebag did was dress and bail out the window. I think his true character was revealed at that point.

If this boy had felt anything towards my Babygirl other than lust. If he had any feelings for her at all, if he had cared about her, as herself, even a little bit; he would have stuck around. He wouldn't have bailed and left her there to suffer the consequences of their actions on her own. He would have manned up and stood by her side and tried to protect her. Even if he did think I was getting my gun. I thought that was low and despicable and just wrong. I also told her that I was proud that there was a condom involved, not that I want that kind of thing to happen but if it's gonna I don't want her taking chances with her health or with pregnancy.

When we reached the house, I got out and got her and gave her a hug, and told her I loved her. I told her that if she takes nothing else away from this to remember the sight of that guy headed out the window. Leaving her their, alone, to pay the piper for what they both had done. That's not love, that's not caring, that's not even a decent friend. That's not who she should give herself up to.

She and her mother sat in the garage and talked for a while longer. It turned out to be a nice talk. We've always been open with the kids about sex and always pushed "condoms, condoms, condoms"; it's been our mantra. Nice to know some things stick.

If you made it this far maybe, just maybe, you got a glimpse of my half nekkid soul. Be it the self restraint I showed in not killing the little fuck slowly and painfully or the wisdom I tried to pass on to my Babygirl. And it's okay to laugh and joke about this, the shock is over and the reality has set in. My Babygirl ain't such a baby anymore. I told the wife I knew this day was coming, I didn't expect it so soon but I knew it was coming. And if it had to come, it was probably better this way. A sucker punch, landed and over before you know it. Rather than the long and agonizing wait of the first love that eventually ends up at this point. Now it's done. Well almost. I still get to ground her and take away her cellphone for awhile.

It's great to be a Dad.

Happy HNT all. For the complete rules and details of HNT click the blue button to the right and go see Obsasso. From what I hear the rules say you're supposed to post a picture. But fuck that, I'm a Pirate; the rules be damned.


Blogger guttergirl said...

My son is 13 and my daughters are 9. I am dreading when the whole sex thing starts. I keep telling them." I am too young to drive a minivan and I sure as hell am too young to be a grandma"
Good luck

9:03 AM  
Blogger April said...

Oh, sugar...

you got much more self-restraint than I do.

I'm not looking forward to my son hitting this age. *sigh*

Good advice you gave Babygirl, though...I'm proud of you, Pirate. :)


9:10 AM  
Blogger Billy said...

guttergirl - I've given my 23 yr old stepson that speech. I'm too young to be a grandpa. Wasn't expecting it from this one just yet.

april - I'm practicing "delayed gratification". I'll kill the little sumbitch, I'm just gonna let him think he's safe. and thanks.

9:20 AM  
Blogger erika said...

Ohh I feel for you. I don't have any kids but I have 3 Goddaughters. I was told by a friend that had 3 boys. He said he has to worry about 3 penises and we have to worry about all the penises. Your girl is lucky to be able to go to you guys and be able to talk. That is so important.

9:59 AM  
Blogger Green Eyes said...

I am sooo proud of you! You didn't even hurt him a little!

The ass couldn't look you in the eye because he does respect you and knew he'd lost any kind of nicety from you and your wife. I hope he's still ashamed.

Your 'talk' with Babygirl was so heartfelt. You're a great father, Pirate. Truly.

10:06 AM  
Blogger MG said...

how bad is it that the first thought in my head is ...ahh, memories???
(not funny huh?)

second thought after reading the comments is "shit... you all are making me feel VERY old"...

although I'm missing pirate flesh, this post is very revealing... yeah, you know you're a good guy, you just pretend to be bad

(which, all in all, is the best kind of bad)


nicely done.

10:43 AM  
Blogger RobynB said...

I just want to hug you right now.

I only hope that I can show the same dignity and self restraint that you did.

You're a good daddy and a good man.

We love our babygirls...God help us.

10:45 AM  
Blogger Billy said...

Erika - yeah, I gotta worry about all of them... that's why I always share my gun stories with the boys when they're over. Evidently this boy didn't listen.

If he's still breathing today does that ruin my rep?

GE - glad I made you proud. It really bothered me when this kid didn't look me in the eye.

MG - flesh next week girl. and it's okay to laugh. last night I told the wife "well, one down one to go".

I've never mentioned your geneological status, you make yourself feel old. cut it out.

Robyn - I've got a little sign above my computer screen to constantly remind me.

"Self control is knowing what you can do and then choosing not to."

It took absolutely everything I had not to bounce his head off that brick wall.

10:51 AM  
Blogger Still Searching... said...

Oh Billy! Being a teenaged girl once myself, I'm terrified for Babygirl. She's only 9 but they seem to start younger and younger these days.

Good on you Billy! The way you handled it...stellar. It's reflects good on you and your wife that you can be so open and talk to your kids about these things, and actually have it stick. And you are absolutely correct, any fella that would desert her to save his own *ss isn't worth her time and is certainly no friend.

I hope I can handle it with such aplomb when it happens here...and I know it will...eventually...

1:27 PM  
Blogger Still Searching... said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:27 PM  
Blogger Crimson said...

What a great post, you handled that beautifully. What a great dad ;)

2:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hummm.. sorry to be the devil here... but... if she likes it... if she is the one teasing him?? If she wants to see him again and have saex again?? What will happen... And... if she was a boy... how different or the same this could be??
Don't get me wrong, I'm raising a 7 years old displaying all the right attributes to be fucked once she reach 11 if it is not earlier... they are so unawared of their power... Poor little things...
But.. it is by getting them all upside down on their first time that we are working at making them responsible and aknowledging them their own feelings and wishes??
I don't have the answer, and I'm not telling you you did wrong... It is only that I have no idea of what is right to do in such case... and I will improvised like you did, once confronted to the fact... Yes... it's scared me... a lot... because we still have in mind that girls are victims... but that is the value we need to change...
I wrote a long time ago about going to my son's highschool and being traumatized by the girls there... tiny skirts, tiny tops... amazingly outrageous attitudes... I felt my son was abused all day long... Now, I'm confronted to a 7 years old teaser... and no, she have no example of that at home, but a bit of TV, school and day camps at summers... Our world is becoming a bit different.... when you think that girls 12 year's olg get married to 50 something old men in third worls country... at least, thids boy was a teen too...
I had sex for the first time I was 14, and from a very restrictive environment... my mom was watchng on me all she could... but I found a way... it doesn't prevent her to traumatized me about sex...
Good luck for the future.. ;-)

5:07 PM  
Blogger LocuTus of Borg said...

Happy Birthday!! :)

9:40 AM  
Blogger TequilaGirl said...

Wow, I'm sorry that this day had to come for you! I'm dreading it with my son. He's 7 now, so I 'think' I have some time...

You handled it wonderfully! I don't know if I could have done it that well and had that much self control.

9:43 AM  
Blogger Billy said...

SeaRabbit - I am in no way saying that my daughter in innocent in this.

Life is a series of choices and she made hers, now she will deal with the consequences. Not so much for the engaging in sex part though.

In our house we have always been straightforward with them about sex. We know it's gonna happen and rather than tell them that abstinence is the only way and cross our fingers, we prepare them with the knowledge they need to protect themselves and hopefully make a good decision when the time comes. We'd rather they know the facts than take chances with ignorance and hoping it will just go away. The world is too dangerous for that, sexually and otherwise.

I said in my post that she was implicit in this also. But rather than give her hell over sex her trouble is for violating rules of the house. No boys down their hallway, no boys in their room, sneaking this guy in through the window an hour after bedtime. That's where her punishment is coming from. She didn't violate any rules about sex, we have none, other than the condom mantra.

Thanks for writing.

10:31 AM  
Blogger Softball Slut said...

I think you handled it well. in fact I think you handled it great and with composure. Much props to my Pirate Boss

10:57 AM  
Blogger ATL LG said...

It's a tough job and the good ones do it well. Fantastic job. In the past year I've not come close to that situation. Just the first drop off at the movies and this week the first orientation at H.S. I can only hope and pray that ready your post will help me when I'm sure some day ( many light years from now would be good ) that I'll need to remember the example you have provided.

1:08 PM  
Blogger Pyrhonik said...

This was the first post of yours that I read, and a thumpin good one it is! I applaud your clarity of mind in the middle of what had to be a very stressful event. Absolutely excellent job of parenting there, and a terrific example to follow.


7:05 PM  
Blogger Alien said...

wow.. you both were amazing.
What a great story.
Thanks for sharing

8:01 PM  
Blogger thru my eyes said...

Billy, Welcome to the world of parenting teenagers. They can put you thru a tough ride. You learn what you are made of in dealing with them. I had three and I think I learned as much about myself as them during these kind of times. You did a great job handling this. I always tried to remember how I felt as a teen when I was dealing with this stuff. If you can see both sides it makes it easier to be fair. You seemed to have done just that.
Good job Pirate. If you ever need support, just call on me, been there done that.

1:26 PM  

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