Tuesday, October 31, 2006

FreeBooby Tuesday!

Hey there folks, thanks for stopping by.

Yeah, I know, Billy's been slacking again.

But hey, it's a new Tuesday, and it's Halloween!

I love Halloween, it's another kids holiday, but in our neighborhood it's just another excuse to consume mass quantities of Jello Shots. Yep, Jello Shots.

Not sure how that come about. Bout 5 or 6 years ago we started gathering in a neighbors driveway for passing out Halloween candy and tradition grew from there. Grew to the point that last year I had a bigger hangover the day after Halloween than I did after New Year's Eve.

Life is good.

So, tonight I'll wear my Dreads and talk smack and pass out candy to kids and Jello Shots to the adults that pass by. It's what I do. So, if you're walking down the road and come across a group of "adults" drinking beer, passing candy and sucking Jello - say hi, it's prolly me and my friends.

And yeah, it's FreeBooby Tuesday - Halloween Edition.

Have a great Halloween peoples!

Monday, October 23, 2006

Why I love Florida

Finally. Blogger let me post. I feel so priviledged.

I love Florida because:

It's late October and I'm in the damn pool. Saturday night it was 83 degrees outside, the beers were icy and the water was 88 degrees.
Who could ask for more?

Friday night was spent at Busch Gardens, Howl-O-Scream. Had a pretty good time then to. Well if you don't count all the people I had hanging off of me cuz they was scared. I had claw marks in my back from them all.

Friday, October 20, 2006

FuckYou! Friday

It's FuckYou! Friday! so fuck you.

Nah, not you... This weeks candidate for Fucking is Estrogen.

Fuck Estrogen and/or the lack of it.

Softball Slut had a post the other day that her Aunt Flo had come to visit and that she was able to make others do the same simply by standing next to her or something to that effect. I left a comment that I lived in a house with two recent additon to the menstruating crowd and another knee deep in menopause.

I always used to comment that I lived on a small island in the middle of the estrogen ocean, forgot what comedian I stole that from but it's sooo fucking appropriate. Especially now that the daughters are at "that" age. I'm telling ya, life is tough for the lone male in the house, real tough.

Yesterday one of Sweetpea's male friends came over to visit for a spell. Sweetpea and Babygirl and G, the friend, sat in the garage talking about various teenage angst shit. Apparently Sweetpea was telling G that women were unpredictable, not quite liars but that they were able to say something and then for no reason to change what they said, without penalty. Simply because they were women.

I walked in on the end of that conversation and Sweetpea looked to me for confirmation of her statements. In true Brazen Billy daughter style, she says "Dad, tell him, tell him that it's the vagina. It's the vagina that makes us that way, we can't help it." After I regained my breath I confirmed her statement, clarifying it only slightly. The reason is the estrogen I said. Girls are fine till the estrogen production kicks in, then the rules go out the door.

Save yourself I said. Take some advice from an older, more experienced man who has been beaten down by estrogen for the past 30 years. DON'T EVEN TRY to understand them. You can care for them, love them, take them home and keep them but, NEVER, I repeat NEVER try to understand what makes them tick. NEVER try to think you can predict their next move or comment. NEVER think you will have the upper hand, cuz you don't. You never will. Save yourself 30 some years of pure hell. Just concede now and go forth with the knowledge I have imparted upon you; it will save your very soul. Estrogen is the kryptonite of logic, remember that and you may just survive, may survive I reiterated.

And if you think they are difficult now, wait till the estrogen production starts to slip; because you ain't seen nuthin yet my friend. May the force be with you.

Have a great fucking Friday and a better Fucking weekend. I'm headed to Busch Gardens tonight for Hallowscream with my family and my cousins family who's coming over from Lauderdale. Should be a drunken weekend, according to tradition anyway.

Oh, and one more fuck you. Fuck those gated private country club blogs. Snoots.


Thursday, October 19, 2006

HNIT - Slacker Edition

I know, I know.

I ain't been here.

No, I'm not sick anymore either.

Just trying to apply myself to shit that needs to be done.

Trying to be responsible.

Trying to be grown up.


Trying hard.

I lack discipline.

This isn't really news, but it's something that I need to work on.

So, I'm working more diligently and not here like I was. All this diligent work is drowning my kid like creativity and irreverence. I hate that.

I read yesterday that was the mark of a mid life crisis. Say it ain't so. PLEASE!

Got no interest in buying a sports car. Got no interest in running off with my secretary, well, no more than usual (dress conservatively Softball Slut, lets not take any chances). And yes I always want to run off to the islands but no immediate plans for that either. I think I'm losing it.

But, for today, I'm gonna play. How's this?

Ya know, you can barely see the gray in this one.

Happy HNT y'all, if ya wanna play click the blue button and go see Os. He's got the down low on this here phenomenon.

And thanks to those who check in to see if I happened to post anything today. Maybe it'll get better soon.

Friday, October 13, 2006


Holy shit - 2 posts in a day.

But this is important.

In what should be a humongous boost to the Pirate's self esteem is this article on MSNBC.com

In a new poll on ethics Pirates rate higher than Congressmen. How 'bout that, huh? Not bad at all. Yeah, we pirates may be a scurvy bunch of scallywags but we offically rank higher than members of Congress when it comes to ethics. Apparently our motives are clear, you know we're out to rip you off and make you walk the plank and we deliver. Congress on the other hand, well, you know what they're all about too. they tell us one thing to get our votes and then turn around fuck us in the aft.

Raise a glass of ye favorite grog to a pirate.

And vote out your incumbent come November 7th.

FuckYou Friday! Mojo wanted.

Okay, this is a departure from FuckYou! Friday but this is my post none the less.

I've been negligent in getting around to see my blogger friends lately, mainly due to the recent bout of sickness I encountered; you can add working two jobs to that too. Nah, I'm not whining - I'm seeking forgiveness. I've just found out that one of my neglected blogger friends needs some help.

There is a woman out there in Blogland, a great woman, who works on many other peoples behalfs. She was in the Blogathon schlepping for the Pediatric Aids Foundation and has made making bloggers aware of womens issues a priority in her writing. And getting past her charitable works, the woman is just damned funny. I mean really funny. Most of her posts make whatever you're drinking come out your damned nose funny. She's on the list of folks I haven't been to see in a while. She is the Certifiable Princess. A Jew with a capital J, a Mom with a capital M, and Hilarious with a capital FUNNY.

But like I said she needs some help. The Pirate is turning to you, those of you that are still coming around to see if slacker Billy posted today. (thanks for that by the way, I'm trying to get better about it) CP's little boy is having some major medical issues, he has come up with pericardial effusion, fluid around the heart, apparently this has come about from a dog bite perhaps in combination with previous serious heart problems. Hell, I'm a Pirate, not a doctor Jim, she goes through it all here - take 5 minutes and go read this post. She's not asking for money or time or anything material, she's just asking for your support. Now the Pirate is not a praying man, but some of you are, you can do that for her. If you're like me, fire up some mojo, some good ju-ju, some pleasant and loving vibes if you would and send them to the Tampa Bay area for her. If ANYONE deserves some metaphysical help with a bad situation, it's CP. After you read her post about her son, dig through her archives, I'll bet she'll make your blogroll. That is if you like being entertained.

So, send little Nicholas and his momma and his family your prayers, your mojo, your love, your good thoughts. Anything ya got, let's help these people out, they're good folks; take a Pirate's word will ya. All my best CP, you got my number woman, call if ya need me. I'm not that far away.

Kinda makes me feel like a bigger wimp for letting this little sickness get the best of me. No matter how bad off you are - there's always somebody with bigger problems. Man I'd hate to be at the end of that line.

For FuckYou! Friday how about FUCK YOU to the dog that bit little Nicholas.

And a great FuckYou! Friday to you all.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

On this date in history...

Today, the 12th of October, 2006, I made the last payment on my truck.

I actually paid the damn thing off.

2nd time in my life I've kept one that long.

Imagine that.



HNT's down below.

HNT - Equipment Operater Edition

Sick again... dammit!

Can't seem to shake whatever it is I have, the Mrs. is gonna make me go to the Dr. again. NOOOOOO! whatever.

Monday I was feeling alright, which was good cuz we had a semi to unload, 32,000 pounds of freight. Yippeee. Wasn't bad this time though, it's amazing what kind of equipment you can rent for a couple cases of beer. Thanks Mr. Electrician (it was his machine).

I love playing with big toys and basically that's what I did most of the day, just play. Accomplished some work in the process, but that was purely by accident. First the truck looked like this:
Then I did this:

Then it looked like this:

(picture an empty fucking truck, blogger quit cooperating)

When we went to the beach what seems like forever ago, there were a couple of pieces of heavy equipment parked by the dunes; a bulldozer and a large front end loader - a bulldozer with a bucket. I wanted to play and that gave me an idea for the next business venture...

Billy's Big Boy Playground. Yep, a playground. Gonna have 20 acres and stock it with bulldozers and dumptrucks and cranes and forklifts and graders and you get the idea. Just like my sandbox when I was a kid but on a much larger scale. Silly men pay big dollars to go to baseball camp and hockey camp etc. How about 3 days in a big ass sandbox with big ass toys? Found a nice empty lot between a golf course, strip club and hotel that would be perfect. I think it'd be a hoot, there's gotta be more boys out there that would like it too. Working on the prospectus now, I'll be calling you for your investments in about a month.

Happy HNT all. Have a great Thursday!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006


Billy's back.

Feeling better, tired, but better. I don't get sick often, this was the first time in a couple of years, but when I do get sick, I do it right. We're talking walking dead type sick, cranky as hell type sick, stay the fuck away from me type sick... So... I did y'all a favor by not being here. Not only didn't I spread my germs but I spared y'all my bad attitude too. You can feel extremely sorry for the Mrs., the kids and the crew - they took the brunt of it. Awwwww.

Better now, time for BOOBIES!

Hope everyone has a great Tuesday!

More later.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Sick Puppy

Please excuse Billy from blogging this week as he is sick, really, really, sick.


Billy's Mother