Thursday, August 31, 2006

HNT - gimme a hand

I asked the Mrs. if she wanted to be in my HNT pic this week.

She said sure.

Introducing the Dred Pirate Anne Bonney.
Play HNT with the cool kids. Click the blue button over there, yeah, that one, and go see Obsasso. He'll tell you how to play.

Play.

Yeah. mmmm

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

FreeBoobyTuesday!

With the wonder of the internet and Google and Yahoo searches you'd think it would be easy to find some boobs in the rain. It's a lot tougher than you would imagine. Go head, try it. You wouldn't believe some of the crap that comes back. I thought at the very least I'd get a picture of the current administration in a Hurricane.

Boobs in the rain? Well, two reasons. Yesterday MG was in the mood for some rain sex... I'll leave it at that. And Ernesto's on his way, maybe... First he is, then he isn't, damn storms, I love this shit. For the last 20 hours we haven't been able to send a plane into see what's going on cuz he's in Cuban airspace, WTF? Can't we get past this shit for the safety and well being of my brethern here in the state of Florida. Folks will listen in on my conversations with my Grandma to keep me safe but we won't fly a plane over Cuba? Priorities people, priorities.

Anyways, here's what I could find... Boobs in the Rain.
Oh yeah, guess she is nekkid. Hey, Bonus Tuesday.

Have a great day my friends! Got bids to put out...

Monday, August 28, 2006

Classical Pirate Fare

No parties this weekend but plenty to keep a pirate busy...

The wifes son, well, I guess I claim him too, left to go back to his Dad's in New Hampshire Friday night. He had come down to spend the summer with us and work with my crew and I have to say that I'm impressed with how he's turning out. He lived with us til he was 13 and then went to New Hampshire - we thought it would be a more wholesome environment than Lauderdale. woops.

Tears flowed, sadness abounded and the wife accidentally dropped her keys in his car so I had to chase him down. Luckily he stopped for gas and I caught him before he got to the interstate. I took the time to tell him that I was proud of how he had grown up and then sent him on his way. His sisters miss him terribly too, they were very happy to have him around for a couple months.

Saturday I had to work with the crew in Orlando since the boy blew town. The boys missed him too. We worked till about 6 to get our work done before their inspection this morning. Love getting to play with my tools, it's a distraction from being in this office all day. But fuck I must me getting old, I was a hurtin Saturday night.

Sunday the wife and I had a date. We went to the majestic old Tampa Theater to see a silent movie. Yeah, I said a silent movie. I was thinking we'd do something and then saw this in the paper Sunday morning.

Was way cool. The Black Pirate was made in 1926 and accompanied by a woman named Rosa Rio on the organ. Apparently Rosa has been accompanying silent films on the organ since the 30's which would probably make her older than the movie.

Kinda cheesey in parts and the special effects are nothing like today for sure but it was a cool way to kill a Sunday afternoon. And in the end, the pirate got the girl. And you thought that was only for cowboys.

It's good to know that not all pirates are drunken, slovenly, ne'er do wells and check out this pic, The Black Pirate's sexy is falling out... wondered where I got that from.

And a big thanks to all that offered to keep my ass in line after my FU! Friday post. I'll be looking forward to those boots in the ass when necessary and will probably start Business Report Wednesday this week. For an early cheer it's been reported that we are in line for at least a $56 k contract on one of the bids submitted the week of my birthday.

Have a great week y'all!

Friday, August 25, 2006

Time for sumthin funny

Got this in my email this morning...

I was crying when it was done, don't know if it was from laughter or sympathy pains.

Check it out.

Tongue Twister

FuckYou! Friday is below.

It's FuckYou! Friday


The recipient of today's FuckYou! Friday is someone near and dear to my heart. Someone I have known my entire life, someone who is closer to me than anyone else in this whole wide world and knows me better than anybody. Today's FuckYou! is for me.

Yep, that's right, Fuck Me. Or if I can step out of character for this morning - Fuck you Billy! I was kinda hiding this week. From commenting, talking to people, and pretty much everything else, including work. I had a few people trying to cheer me up cuz they thought I was in a bad mood and needed it. What I told them I needed was a swift kick in the ass. I know what I need.

I've been lost, swimming in a sea of deadlines, bid dates and plans. I'm losing a crew member today as well. That only helps more. I come in here everyday and look at all the shit that needs done and just freeze. I don't know where to start; the bids, the financials (which really need done) the promotional work, oh, and let's not forget my real job - that needs done too. Losin it people, I was just effin losin it. Thought about just calling it quits. I could close it down today, lose a few deposits and after all the bills are paid still make a nice addition to my bank account. But WTF? That ain't me, I just need a swift kick in the ass and every little thing will be alright.

Hence, this FuckYou! is for me. I know what the hell I am doing, I know how to do it, I know why I'm doing it. All I gotta do is fucking do it. So Billy, get off your ass and get to work. Set a few goals, set a few of your own deadlines and make that damned list you're always talking about just so you can cross a few things off every day, even if inconsequential, just cross them off. You'll actually feel like you're accomplishing something which will lead to you actually accomplishing something. Never lose sight of the prize you stupid sonofabitch, you know why you did this, you know what you want out of it. You're NEVER gonna get it sitting around whining like a silly little girly man (no offense girls). Good things come to those who wait - Great things come to those who get off their ass and make something happen. That's you, remember that! Now get to fucking work.

We just may see the incarnation of Billy's Business Report Wedneday. Wednesday's are kinda boring, it may behoove me (ooh, cool word) to put myself out there. I think I may start posting the weeks bids, bookings and billings for the world to see. Y'all can kick my ass when nothing's happening. I've set some lofty goals for this little venture of mine but there's nobody around but me to see that I hit what I need to hit and call me on it when I don't. Y'all wanna play with me here? It's called "game theory". One is a lot more likely to accomplish their goals when they face total humiliation for not achieving them. Help a pirate out, I succeed, I throw a real party for all my blogger friends; I fail, y'all can laugh in my face... That way I'll succeed, I know how tough y'all can be.

*******************************************
Have a great fuckyou friday everybody, feel free to chime in and kick my ass, tell me to quit bitching and just get to it. You can even enjoy it, but only for today. Next week, I'll kick back.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

HNT - Special Guest Edition

Hey y'all, Thursday's here. Time for HNT.

Went out last night for a big fat steak dinner with a kinda family member from the Northeast. Charley's Steakhouse in Tampa is fantastic just so ya know. We ordered up a pair of 32 oz. Porterhouses, that in addition to the Coronas is maybe why I feel the way I do and why I wasn't too creative for HNT today. You get piggies, deal with it. MG, they does count as Pirate flesh, right?

But, better than my feet, hell, WAY BETTER than my feet, we get the special guest from Free Booby Tuesday back again. Like I said she wanted to do HNT but was just a little skeered to do it on her site. Why? I dunno. I can tell you that I am all too happy to post if for her here. She was sooo happy about Tuesday she tells me that there are many more she can send me. PUHLEEEZE! Send 'em on. I love this stuff.

Just can't get enough of stuff like that. Ya don't need to comment on my tootsies, but let's show the special guest some love people. But not too much. I don't want her confidence built to the point where she decides to post them herself. May be kinda selfish but I really liked getting these in my mailbox.

Come play with the cool kids, click the blue button over there>>>>>>>

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Free Booby Tuesday

Sometimes the readers write...

Sometimes, they send boobs...

Sometimes, it's just fucking great to be me.

Today we have a special guest. No, I can't tell you who it is. This particular woman wants to be the star of FreeBoobyTuesday, who am I to deny her. She also wants to play HNT but doesn't want to do it on her page, so Thursday she'll be back with another shot in this series. Anybody that read my rant on FuckYou! Friday will well know that I am in no way in favor of censoring boobies so it's my duty to post these pics.

Hell, they're damn nice boobs, it'd be a crime not to post them. I could have kept them to myself, all safely tucked away in my inbox, but I'm a true pirate; I share the booty with the crew.

So, in following with the time honored tradition, it's FreeBoobyTuesday!
Ya know, we probably need to examine these from the other side as well...
Like I said, sometimes it's just good to be me.

Our guest today will return on Thursday for HNT. There'll be pirate flesh too MG, so don't you worry.

Y'all have a great Tuesday. I know mine's off to a roaring start.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Twins Sighting

They were together and they were here. That's about all I can tell you. At least according to the legal release and disclaimer that they made us sign. Had a blast Friday night at Bennigans with Green Eyes and Erika, what a pair. Well, okay, it would be two pair but they wouldn't pose for a Free Booby Tuesday shot.

My wife agreed to go with me to meet two strangers that I had met on the internet. Talk about a leap of faith on her part. She did good. The day before she had called me just to make sure... "We're just going for drinks right? It's not some group sex thing?" Ya gotta love her. I do.

We sat for a few hours and Erika tried to drink them out of Bud Light, though she put forth a valiant effort I don't think she was able to do it. All the womens got along fabulously and if the Mrs. hadn't had to work Saturday she would have been off with the two of them to get a tattoo.

By the end of the night anyone would have thought that we'd know each other forever. The conversation and the laughs just never stopped, although they could have skipped the laughing about me. And it was decided by the twins that my wife needs a pirate name so she can start commenting on the blog. We did some research over the weekend but haven't settled on anything just yet.

I can't tell you where the twins went from there, but I do know that they stopped and took a picture just for me.
Can't tell you what else they did there but the sign you can't see below this one says something about "Amatuer Contest $500.00 cash prize" and I do know that they were in need of beer money.

Thanks for a great night girls, the Mrs and I really enjoyed ourselves. And Green Eyes, I wouldn't be surprised if the wife calls you to go get that tattoo.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Fuck you! Friday

Thank Ja for MG and TG, if not for them creating Fuck You! Friday I would never have had the chance to speak my mind, tell it like it is, get whatever's got me cranky off my pirate chest. (lol green eyes) If not for those two I'd have to keep it inside and explode, I am just so grateful.

But I find myself sitting here today without any major complaints. A ton of minor ones mind you but nothing that's really got me all wound up. Yeah, that is a little strange but whatcha gonna do.

I think I'll tackle the high and mighty county commission here in my beloved Hillsborough County today. They could always use a Fuck You! The always moral commission held their second public meeting on the proposed changes to ordinances that govern adult use businesses. They want to tighten this place down so we don't get to have any adult businesses in existence. These fools spent my tax dollars to hire some conservative attourney to draft new rules and regulations in an attempt to legislate strippers and adult bookstores out of here. Pissed me off.

Everybody knows Billy loves a titty bar. As much as I would like to frequent them more frequently, I don't. BUT, when I do go, dammit, I want there to be one there. With the new regulations all the strippers would have to be licenesed. Licensed for what? That their certified in lap dancing, that they've completed their continuing education classes for asking for contributions to their performance. What the hell? Nurses, doctors, contractors and lawyers need licensed, but dancers?

They want to take back all the alcohol licenses of the strip clubs. No alcohol at all. Bad enough I can't get a naked woman and a beer in the same place, now I can't have a cocktail and watch a chick in a bikini? PUHLEEEZE. Who the hell does this hurt? The people that pay money to go inside? It's not like they ambush you on the street and force you at gunpoint to come into their club and watch them take their clothes off. C'mon people, we are grown adults here, well at least my license says I am... If I want to watch a woman take off her clothes and gyrate to some thumping music and give her money why can't I do that?? Why can't I do that with a cold beer in my hands?

Most commentary I hear is that the sensitive types don't want to have to explain to their kids what that sign with all the XXX's means. The preachers, priests, pastors and such want to protect their flock. If it's not there they don't have to deal with it. Generally when you pass laws you have a reason or statistics. They have rumors and beliefs. Not enough. I may take some shit for this one but I'd really rather have to expain to my kids what the sign with all the XXX's is rather than what a church is. Let's see, here, women (or men) take their clothes off and dance for money cause people want to watch them. Easy enough. And over here we have a group of people that believe in some dude (or any one of many versions of some dude) that lives in the sky and created the earth(what dinosaurs?) and controls everything that we do and they want to make you believe too and if you don't you're gonna be condemned to a life in a place inside the earth filled with fire and flames. Okay, so maybe I'm wrong, that is easy to explain.

Now I'm rambling. But if this shit passes I'll be the first to open the First Pirate Church of the Holy G String. You're gonna wanna come to our services, and so long as it has church in the name I'll be able to open one where ever I want seeing as they allow them on every corner. MaybeI ought to throw the word conservative in the name someplace and I'll have all sorts of politicians lining up behind me in support.

Fuck you to my conservative county commissioners, fuck you to the holier than thou type that don't understand the live and let live philosophy. Saw a sign the other day that said "do unto others as if you were the others" on a church that disavows gays. wtf? And a REALLY BIG FUCK YOU to those that don't stand up for beliefs other than their own, cuz someday you're gonna want someone to help defend yours and there won't be anyone there to do it.

Have a great Friday y'all. And if I offended you somewhere along the line, tough noogies. Now I'm ready for a beer and a lapdance - who's with me.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

HNT - Cuban Style

I bought me a new shirt for my birthday party. I've always wanted an old Cuban guy shirt, must have spent way too many nights shrimping with those guys in Miami in the old days.

Well, thank Ja for Walmart. Where else can you go and buy beer, ice, a cooler, some cd's and a damn shirt? And a damn nice shirt at that. I went to buy one a while back and ended up leaving with my drinking shirt which I'll have to share another time. It was too damn warm to wear that one on my birthday.

This one however is a nice light cotten and had the prerequisite 4 pockets. I think that's the only qualifier to be an old Cuban guy shirt, having 4 pockets. All those pockets came in handy Friday night. The bottom two pockets will each hold a beer - in a coolie - and the top two pockets are excellent for cigs, ganja and jello shots. Luckily the jello shots never stained the shirt.

I really don't remember this pic being taken. Obviously must have happened before the battery died but that's all I can tell you.
Have a Happy HNT y'all. If ya wanna play with the rest of us click the blue button over there on the right and go see Obsasso, he's the King of HNT.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Free Booby Tuesday

It's that time of the week people.

FREE BOOBY TUESDAY.

Lots to say but no time this morning so we'll get straight to it, er, I mean them.

Just thought it was sexy.

Y'all have a great day!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Thankya, thankya vury much.

Gotta tell ya that the pirate had a great weekend. The celebration lasted three days, which could mean it ain't over yet, guess we'll see how Monday goes.

I wanna say thanks to all my blogger crew that took the time to wish a Happy Birthday to their captain. I know, I know, if I paid you better you would have bought me presents, whatever...

A special thank you to MG; she asked what I wanted for my birthday and since several of the things I reqested were either immoral, or, simply banned in most states I said she could do an audio post of her singing me Happy Birthday. She doesn't sing... at least not sober so she says. But she did record a rambling Birthday Wish which was just as cool. Check it out here. Thanks girlfriend, that was great.

Had a bunch of friends over Saturday night, don't remember much past about 10:30. Raked in a couple cases of beer, the boys bought me the biggest bottle of Grey Goose I've ever seen, course we drank it... Jello shots, my god, did we have jello shots. and whipped cream. I did have a bouncehouse, that was a blast. The kids (aged 14 to 16) hit it early, the bigger kids (age 30something and up) hit it late. The man who owns the damn thing was doing backflips, bout 1 am. He landed on the back of his neck and head and about bit a hole through his tongue. Thought we may need an ambulance but we discovered Jello shots make an excellent anesthetic.

The camera battery died out halfway thru the night so I'm a little short on pictures. But I didn't run out of beer though, which is infinitely more important. My eldest daughter, Sweetpea, bought me a rasta hat - tell me she doesn't know her old man. Here's us.

And babygirl in the bouncehouse.







The Jello shots got a close-up.





The pirates real crew - the people who actually work - the one on the right is my stepson who came down to work for the summer.




And I almost forgot.

Naked Twister and body shots.





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Oh, Softball Slut, take a note... We need a new outcall service - the hookers never showed. Unless that was them that time the wife answered the door and said there was no one there.

Have a great Monday y'all.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

It's My Birthday and it's FuckYou! Friday as well

We'll get the Fuck You! Friday out of the way first. Although I'm in pretty good mood today there's always a fuck you lurking somewhere beneath this Pirate Hat. Here's a new member of the crew to give the message. It ain't a finger but it works just as well.

Meet El Gato Badassio. He not very big, but like the Hamster we just loved his attitude and thought that he fit in well. Not only that, he pretty much illustrates what I wanted to do to that little fuck I wrote about yesterday. Simply put - FUCK YOU "RICK" for making me older you fucking fuck and forcing me deal with something that I hoped wouldn't come along for another year or two. You're a little punk douchebag and I hope what little you got makes up for all you lost such as having a couple of adults in your life that accepted you for what you are and made you welcome. ****EDIT*** El Gato wasn't working properly but the perfessor stopped by and gave me a new link, thanks prof.

Nuff of that, it's my fucking birthday. The Pirate turns 44 today. A little bit older but so the much wiser, smarter, more confident and definitely better looking. My 40's have been good to me, I'm just hitting my stride, the future's so bright I gotta wear shades.

I was gonna work a little bit today but that kinda went out the window when I decided I didn't really need to get out of bed this morning. The crew was all lined up and already had the keys to the truck so I stayed in bed. Had my coffee this am with an extra pour of Bailey's, typically a weekend thing but WTF. Left the truck at home this morning and rode the bike to work, that really gave me a good start on the day. Shorts, my Pirates of the Caribbean biker shirt, some sneakers and the wind in my hair. Thinking pretty much the only reason I'm here today is to do this post and then I'm off.

The boys are taking me out this afternoon for beers, wings and bikinis. That works for me. Tonight my beloved Tampa Bay Buccaneers have their first pre-season game. Plan to enjoy that poolside with a few Coronas. Tomorrow night however, is the party.
Have invited a few hundred close friends over for an evening of drunken debauchery. Y'all are invited too. The tikis will be lit, the music will be playing loud. I wanted to try something new so I told everyone I invited to bring their MP3 players. I've got a set of speakers poolside that I plug my DJ into but I thought it would be cool to listen to what other folks had. I'll let you know how that goes, everyone gonna have to take their turn as the DJ and share their taste.

Also found out yesterday that my neighbor "owns" a bouncehouse. So, the Pirate, is gonna have a fucking bouncehouse for his birthday. Tell me that won't be a blast after everybody's had a few cocktails. I can hear my kids now... "but YOU NEVER got us a bouncehouse for our birthday!" Too bad, so sad, sucks to be them eh?

We really have never had a "party" at this house, we've been here 8 years now. It's time for a blowout. We had parties when we lived in Lauderdale where I was giving people coolers full of beer at 5 am just to get them to leave. Ah, the old days. Am I just trying to recapture the days of my youth, naw, I just think it's time for a fucking party.

I'm gonna go buy myself a birthday present today. Y'all know I love my toys, have a look at the new hook I've had my eye on over at Pirates R Us.
A special shout out to Green Eyes for my sexy birthday card that arrived this morning, way cool girl, thanks so much. As for the rest of you, Saturday FedEx delivery is a little more expensive but I'm worth it. Right?

Everybody have a great FUCKYOU! Friday and a fantastic weekend. I know I will. If you happen to be sailing by, stop in in. Beer, Booze, Jello Shots, Naked Twister and Boobies!

If ya gotta get older you may as well fucking enjoy it!

HNT - A Picture of Fatherhood

Was gonna have a guest HNT today just cuz of several reasons. But now, after the events of this evening I'm gonna paint you a picture instead. Bear with me, there may be a point here somewhere.

Scene: The Pirate's Bedroom
Time: About 11: 20 pm

No, it's nothing like that... well almost.

The Pirate's lady is in the bathroom washing her face while your Captain is dozing in the bed trying to watch the end of The Daily show. Somewhere in the middle of her hygene session she notices a certain piece of her makeup ensemble is missing and heads off to the daughter's bathroom to retrieve it.

In seconds she is back. Get dressed she says. I mumble something to the effect of why and again I'm told, sternly, get dressed. She won't tell me why. I stumble out of the rack and drag on a pair of shorts and follow her to the other side of the house. When we reach the girls hallway she tells me "Rick" and Babygirl were in her room and they were both naked, she thought they were having sex. Apparently when she went to their bathroom she heard sounds and opened our 14 year olds door; that was what she saw.

The Mrs. knocked on the door and told her she had two minutes to unlock it. I added she actually had less time than that before I would open it. The door opened and Babygirl was standing there looking pained. I asked where "Rick" was, she slowly pointed to the window; her shade was blowing in the breeze. The little fuck bailed out the window.

I headed outside to see if I could find him but he had a pretty good headstart. When I got back to the house, the wife was dressed and had Babygirl in tow, she was going to lead us to "Rick's" house. "Rick", by the way, is 17. Leaving Babygirl in the car we proceeded to his door and rang the bell. And rang the bell again. Then knocked, loudly. Then rang the bell again. Rick lives with his Aunt and Uncle, it was the Aunt that opened the door. The Mrs. immediately appraised her of the situation and demanded that Rick be brought to the door. The Aunt, in disbelief, repeatedly apologized and then went back inside after the little asswipe.

When he came outside he was nonplussed. Had nothing to say but that was alright, the wife had plenty to say and proceeded to do so. After she had her say, I took my turn. Now Rick isn't your typical kid, he had been tossed from his home by his father for the way he dressed and wore his hair. Most of my kids friends are from the punk scene so this doesn't have much of an effect on us and we had welcomed this kid into our home many times. Matter of fact he sat across from me at the dinner table tonight.

I resisted the temptation, and boy was that tough, to pick this ass up by his throat and slam his head against the brick wall of the porch before I started talking. I stated my case, and made certain that there had been a condom in place before anything went on. Of that I was assured. I didn't go off on him too badly but I expressed my disappointment. That we had welcomed him into our home, we fed him, I even took him in once when there was a bit of trouble a few months back and this is the way things go down. Sneaking in through a window, on a school night to bang my 14 year old. I understand that it takes two to tango, and that Babygirl is implicit in all this too, but the sneaking into the house part showed no respect for people that had been nothing but kind to him. Especially, when few other people had been. The fact that he never once looked me in the eye the whole time didn't resonate well either.

The conversation was ended with me telling the little punk that he was no longer welcome in my home, near my home or near my daughter. I also told him he should probably find a new path to the park since he has to pass our house to get there. Would hate to see anything happen to him. Like my truck suddenly fly backwards out the driveway and run his scrawny little ass over.

On the trip home, I took time to speak to my baby. I told her that I'm not gonna go off on her. That I'm not gonna tell her that sex is dirty or nasty or negative because that's just not true. It can be a fantastic thing when it's between people that care care for each other. I told her I'm not gonna lecture her, but I want her to know one thing and I want her to remember it.

I told her that she is a special girl, not just cause she's mine, although that's a large part of it, and that her love and her body shouldn't be tossed around with people like Rick. She needs to be more selective when she decides to share the gfit that she has, that is her love and sexuality. I told her that there's one thing that she had to have noticed tonight. That's when things went south, when her mother came into her room and found them and backed out. The first thing this little douchebag did was dress and bail out the window. I think his true character was revealed at that point.

If this boy had felt anything towards my Babygirl other than lust. If he had any feelings for her at all, if he had cared about her, as herself, even a little bit; he would have stuck around. He wouldn't have bailed and left her there to suffer the consequences of their actions on her own. He would have manned up and stood by her side and tried to protect her. Even if he did think I was getting my gun. I thought that was low and despicable and just wrong. I also told her that I was proud that there was a condom involved, not that I want that kind of thing to happen but if it's gonna I don't want her taking chances with her health or with pregnancy.

When we reached the house, I got out and got her and gave her a hug, and told her I loved her. I told her that if she takes nothing else away from this to remember the sight of that guy headed out the window. Leaving her their, alone, to pay the piper for what they both had done. That's not love, that's not caring, that's not even a decent friend. That's not who she should give herself up to.

She and her mother sat in the garage and talked for a while longer. It turned out to be a nice talk. We've always been open with the kids about sex and always pushed "condoms, condoms, condoms"; it's been our mantra. Nice to know some things stick.

If you made it this far maybe, just maybe, you got a glimpse of my half nekkid soul. Be it the self restraint I showed in not killing the little fuck slowly and painfully or the wisdom I tried to pass on to my Babygirl. And it's okay to laugh and joke about this, the shock is over and the reality has set in. My Babygirl ain't such a baby anymore. I told the wife I knew this day was coming, I didn't expect it so soon but I knew it was coming. And if it had to come, it was probably better this way. A sucker punch, landed and over before you know it. Rather than the long and agonizing wait of the first love that eventually ends up at this point. Now it's done. Well almost. I still get to ground her and take away her cellphone for awhile.

It's great to be a Dad.

Happy HNT all. For the complete rules and details of HNT click the blue button to the right and go see Obsasso. From what I hear the rules say you're supposed to post a picture. But fuck that, I'm a Pirate; the rules be damned.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

MG asked...

MG asked if I had a wish list...

I wanted to put pictures in this but didn't have time.

1) a week with Cindy Crawford
2) new cannons
3) Softball Slut to show up for work
4) my truck washed
5) Indie 103.1 in my truck - great station from LA, I can only stream it. check it out www.indie1031.com/listenlive.php
6) another couple hours in the day
7) a day with Cindy Crawford
8) another case of Corona
9) a new bottle of rum
10) my own Pirate flag
11) to be "him" for just a little bit
12) to win the bids I am submitting today and tomorrow that I have spent countless hours preparing
13) maybe 45 minutes with Cindy Crawford
14) to dance with Stacy Kiebler
15) people on the road to get the hell out of my way
16) Americans to act like Americans, not scared little Republican automatons
17) Cindy Crawford to have the restraining order lifted
18) a new RC boat for my pool
19) an all expense paid night at the titty bar
20) a pool party with all my blogger friends

How's that for now. Have a great day folks.

Gotta Sail.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

FreeBoobyTuesday!

Happy Tuesday Peoples.

Got a couple of announcements today.

First, and most importantly, ONLY 3 SHOPPING DAYS LEFT TIL THE PIRATE'S BIRTHDAY.

Now that's assuming you planned on hand delivering it. Iffin ya gotta mail it, well, you're about outa time. I suggest that you head out at lunch time and pick up a little something and send it on the company's FedEx account.

The pool is pristine, the tiki torches have been re-fueled and the fridge is filling up fast. Make preparations for Friday now, we have some excellent flight and hotel packages available. Well, really, my cousin will pick you up and I hung a few hammocks in the yard but it's gonna be a great time. bOObs, goats, body shots, fire trucks, naked twister, tequila, Coronas and maybe, just maybe, a special screening of the Pirate's movie. No, not the Depp one, the other one...

Secondly, IT'S FREE BOOBY TUESDAY.

As always, some of the finest boobage available on display here at Billy's. Ladies, it's summertime, when you let those puppies breathe and get a little tan... don't forget the sunscreen. It'll protect you from the harmful UV rays and it just makes the girls soooo much fun to touch. all slippery and everything.

This darling is applying it herself.
If you don't feel much like putting it on yourself, call the Pirate. Today we announce the Pirates Sunblock Application Service. For a minimal charge, the Pirate will come to you and apply your sunscreen. (typically I'd do it for free, but gas is fucking expensive). This is a limited time offer so make your reservations now.

Y'all have a great Tuesday and get shopping.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Only 5 Shopping Days Left

'til my birthday.

Figured I'd give y'all some notice.

Booze, ganja, naked pics of yourself. Any and all offerings to the Captain will be accepted, don't limit yourself to the aforementioned list, use your imagination.

Friday's the day.

I always make a big deal out of my birthday, no matter how old I get. It's my day. We'll have cake and cocktails and grill out and play in the pool and who knows what else. Being as it's a celebration of all that's Billy we may even let MG have a shot. But just one. Ain't I sweet.

Now - get your ass to the mall or the liquor store already, time's a wastin'....

Friday, August 04, 2006

FuckYou! Friday


This week has gone by much too quickly. Friday already? Damn.

Softball Slut may have slept her way to an entry level job but if she doesn't show up for work today she'll find herself back sleeping her way back to the front of the unemployment line... C'mon girl, seriously, I got work that needs done. Then body shots.

Ah, FuckYou! Friday. So many people to tell off, so little time.

We'll keep it simple this week.

Yesterday I was up in Brooksville for a meeting, on the way back it was raining like hell. Pouring. Raining cats and dogs and lemurs for Ja's sake. This does not deter the Pirate, this ship sails through anything. 30 to 35, 000 miles a year I drive; through wind, sleet , snow or hail... well, not much snow. Rain doesn't deter me. Wipers on high, bronze lenses in the sunglasses, I can see. Kinda like Cole Trickle from Days of Thunder - just drive through it.

The FuckYou! today goes to the morons who turn on their hazard lights and continue to drive, 10, 15, 20 mph in the fast lane. WTF? Why? If you can't handle the rain, pull the fuck over. What's the point of the hazards? Oh, right... You're announcing yourself as a fucking hazard. If you can't see to drive, pull over dammit, the life you save may well be mine. You can still make your pretty lights flash all you want, just do it in the emergency lane at a full and complete stop.

Yeah, I know it's raining, I can see that. I can also drive in the shit. C'mon people this is Florida. Florida in the summertime, it's not a question of if it will rain, it's just a question of when it will rain. Typically about 4 pm, ususally you can set your watch by it. It rains 300 days a year here, get used to it or get off the fucking road. Don't drive 25 MPH in the fast lane of the highway with your flashers on. The blinking lights just give me a target. Get the hell out of the way, iffin you're skeered pull over and wait it out - it'll be done in 10 minutes. And I wont' have to rant about your stupid ass anymore. If it ever fucking snows here you can bet I'll be parking all my cars in the back yard, hate to imagine how these folks would drive then.

This has been a public service announcement from your friendly neighborhood Pirate.

Y'all have a great Friday. and stay the fuck out of my way. I'm getting cannons mounted on the truck.

********************************** EDIT **************************************

I am amending my FUCK YOU! to include the manufacturers of Pop Tarts. I just opened my new box of Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts and the damn things are smaller. By 3/4 of an inch or so. Now that may not seem so bad but I don't like it.

Wasn't that long ago they made them thinner. That pissed me off too. Now they're shorter.
This sucks. I got to find a new mid morning snack.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

HalfNekkidThursday

Hey y'all. It's Thursday.

I only know this cuz April stopped by yesterday to tell me that tomorrow is Thursday. I think it was yesterday, difficult to tell these days.

I know today is a good day... The kids went back to school. Woo Hoo!

Sweetpea, who now drives, made her little sister, the freshman, ride the bus. Didn't give her a ride, believe that? Funny as hell. We told her she didn't have to take her and I guess she took it to heart. Something about a rite of passage. Sisters.

Yeah... HNT

Here ya go.
I was told that when my shirt comes open like this, my sexy falls out... then I was told that's okay cuz I got me some to spare. Any opinions?

As far as the job opening goes, it looks like Softball Slut may have it wrapped up. Out of all the folks that responded hers was the only one that actually mentioned doing any work... I can afford tequila, body shots, boob pics and fun - cuz that's what I'm all about. So long as the work gets done too. Now get yer ass down here I got stuff for you to do.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday peoples. If you wanna play with the cool kids click on the blue button to the right and go see Obsasso.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

FreeBoobyTuesday!

Late again...

What can I say? My alarm clock didn't go off...

Even the penguin didn't show up today to let me know what day of the week it is. Something's amiss in the universe obviously...

None the less, we have boobs.

My favorite kind - beach side.
Gotta run, just had time to get this up. Back at it again.

I need a girl Friday, do they still make those? I need to free up some time, I'm getting way to bogged down in minutia. The Pirate needs a first mate for the biz... any takers?

Have a great Tuesday y'all.